Rev. Jared Buss
Pittsburgh New Church; March 9, 2025
Readings: 2 Samuel 6:14-22 (children’s talk); Secrets of Heaven §4750.5; Matthew 5:38-48
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Today’s sermon is going to be about contempt. In that reading from 2 Samuel we see a pretty good illustration of contempt: Michal looked down at David as he leapt and whirled before the ark, and she “despised him in her heart” (6:16). And when she spoke to David about what she’d seen, her words dripped with sarcasm: “How glorious was the king of Israel today, uncovering himself in the eyes of the maids of his servants…” (v. 20). We’re not supposed to think of Michal as a villain. There’s an earlier story in which she courageously helps David escape from Saul, her father (1 Sam. 19:11-17). She’s not a bad guy. But what we see in today’s story isn’t one of her finer moments. It’s pretty much a textbook example of raining on somebody’s parade.
The thing is, her contempt is awfully relatable. It’s easy to imagine her rolling her eyes as she watched David dancing. It’s easy to hear the biting edge in the words she speaks to him. Contempt is a familiar thing. It’s a common thing. In some ways, there isn’t a lot to say about it, because we know we shouldn’t be contemptuous. But it’s easy to be contemptuous. People express contempt, in big ways and in small ways, all the time. And how often do we think contemptuous things, even if we don’t say them aloud?
So in the first part of this sermon, we’re going to look at some of the things that the Lord teaches about contempt. We’re going to consider what contempt really is, because when we do that it becomes a lot easier to see why we should avoid it. But knowing that contempt is bad isn’t the hard part: the hard part is disentangling ourselves from it. So in the second part of the sermon we’re going to look at some teachings from the Word that can help us resist contempt. And lastly, we’re going to look at what we can do to strengthen ourselves against other people’s contempt.
There’s no passage in the Scriptures or in the Heavenly Doctrine of the New Church that gives us an exact definition of contempt; but our next reading, which is from the Heavenly Doctrine, gives us a pretty good idea of what it really is. This passage begins by talking about self-love, and as always, it’s important to remember that when the Doctrines talk about self-love, they aren’t talking about taking care of ourselves, or believing that we’re worth taking care of. They’re talking about selfish love—love that puts self above all other things. We read from the book Secrets of Heaven: [§4750.5].
So, fundamentally, contempt is a symptom or a product of selfish love. The reading spoke of “contempt for others in comparison with oneself,” and that kind of language is common in the Doctrines. Contempt is always about a comparison, and the comparison always favors us. To have contempt for someone is to give ourselves permission to view them as less than ourselves. To have contempt is to dismiss another person—to belittle them, or their ideas, or their feelings. The reading said that self-love is essentially hatred, and it said that contempt is a stronger indicator of the presence of that hatred than “the display of superiority which is called arrogance.” This doesn’t mean that arrogance is good—it isn’t good. But there are passages in the Heavenly Doctrine which indicate that people can have an arrogant or haughty “air” about them and nevertheless be honest people (e.g. SH §2219.5; SE §§4746, 4749). That arrogance is something they’ll have to sort out, but there might be some charity underneath it. Contempt, on the other hand, proceeds more or less directly from hatred.
This is an alarming teaching, because it’s so easy to be contemptuous! Michal’s disdain for David’s ridiculous dancing is so normal, so relatable. Contempt often flies under the radar when we evaluate what’s good or bad in ourselves or in the world around us. One of the simple takeaways of today’s sermon is that contempt is often just as bad—just as hurtful—as whatever it is that we’re contemptuous of. If not more so.
The thing is, we always have a reason for our contempt. And most of the time those reasons even make sense. Why did Michal despise David? Well, because his behavior was embarrassing. He was leaping and whirling and showing too much skin in the process. She was kind of right that that behavior didn’t suit the dignity of his position as king. And in addition, he was her husband, so his embarrassing behavior felt personal to her. She had reasons for not liking what she’d seen. But of course, she didn’t have to despise him on account of these things, or speak to him so contemptuously. She could have simply said, “So maybe next time you should wear some trousers under your linen ephod.”
Sometimes our reason for our contempt is that we find another person’s behavior or opinion silly or stupid or embarrassing. But actually, a lot of the time our reason for feeling contempt is stronger than that: a lot of the time, contempt is our reaction to things that offend us or threaten us. David’s behavior reflected on Michal, because she was his wife, and that’s probably why her reaction to him was so strong. When someone insults us, it’s not uncommon for our reactions to be tinged with contempt. When someone has hurt us, we often want to belittle them in our thoughts. In other words, contempt is often a defense mechanism. It isn’t a good defense mechanism. But at the same time, most of the things that we want to defend ourselves against are real. Most of the time we have good reasons for wanting to defend ourselves. So reacting is justified, but reacting contemptuously is not justified. There’s a simple principle from the Word that can help us navigate this tension, and keep contempt out of our reactions: that principle is “don’t fight evil with evil.” The Lord never uses that specific phrase—but listen to these familiar teachings from the gospel of Matthew: [read 5:38-48].
These teachings are beautiful, but they’re also challenging. Probably the most challenging thing that the Lord says here is “I tell you not to resist an evil person” (v. 39). Really? We’re not allowed to resist at all? It’s pretty clear that we’re not supposed to fixate on these words and separate them from the rest of what the Lord is saying in this passage. What He’s teaching us to recognize throughout this reading is an internal quality—a spirit that is able to respond with love even in the face of evil. We’re not supposed to fixate on small pieces of the message and separate them from the point He’s making. He doesn’t want us to submit to evil. What would happen to the world if good people never resisted evil people? Neither do we have to let ourselves get slapped around. The point is that we mustn’t respond in kind. Don’t fight evil with evil.
In the Heavenly Doctrine we read:
Who can fail to see that these words [from Matthew 5] should not be taken literally? Who is going to turn his left jaw to one who has smacked him on the right jaw? … And who will not resist evil? (SH §9049.5)
This passage goes on to say that the reason why evil “should not be resisted” is that “evil can have no harmful effect at all on those governed by truth and good, for they are protected by the Lord” (ibid.). In a different passage we’re told that good people and angels,
… do not wish the retaliation of evil for evil, but from heavenly charity they forgive freely; for they know that the Lord protects from the evil all who are in good, and that He protects according to the good with them, and that He would not protect if on account of the evil done to them they should burn with enmity, hatred, and revenge, for these drive away protection. (AE §556.8)
Clearly the protection that these passages are talking about is primarily spiritual. Evil can hurt our bodies. But it can’t hurt our spirits—not if the Lord is with us. But when we choose hatred and revenge, we drive the Lord and His protection away. So when the Lord tells us to “turn the other cheek,” the point is that answering violence with a spirit that is not violent leaves us stronger and safer than we would be if instead we answered with a violent spirit of our own.
Contempt is fundamentally hateful. To belittle someone or dismiss them is to lash out at them. Even if we keep silent, and merely think contemptuous things, we’ve still lashed out in spirit. And that’s taking an eye for an eye, or a tooth for a tooth (cf. Matt 5:38). “You hurt me, so I’ll despise you.” That’s fighting evil with evil, and it drives the spirit of the Lord away from us. A little bit of contempt may seem like a small thing, but it’s enough to push away His protection.
What the Lord tells us to do instead is love our enemies, bless those who curse us, and do good to those who hate us (v. 44). He tells us that if we do these things, we’ll be children of our Father in heaven, “who makes His sun rise on the evil and on the good” (v. 45). With these words He invites us to remember the difference between the dismissive ways that we may be inclined to react to people, and the way that He looks at us. If we can catch even a glimpse of the way He looks at His people, our contempt will wither—because what right do we have to look down on someone that He, the Maker of the universe, loves?
And of course none of this means that the Lord thinks it’s okay when people do evil to us. Our reasons for feeling bothered by the things that other people have said or done are often real and valid, and we don’t have to like the ways that other people treat us. But the Lord wants us to find safety in Him, and His compassion, instead of arming ourselves with contempt, and defending ourselves that way. The bottom line is “love your enemies.” Don’t fight hate with hate.
Finding safety in the Lord is also the core of the answer to the last question I said we’d look at today, which was, “how do we strengthen ourselves against other people’s contempt?” People often say things like, “don’t worry too much about what other people think of you.” “Don’t let another person’s opinion be the measure of your worth.” “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.” There’s truth in these ideas. But human beings are social by design, and it’s hard for us to truly stop caring about other people’s opinions of us. Besides, we should care at least a little bit about what people think of us. If someone thinks we’re behaving badly, they may have a point. We should at least be willing to listen. But we can’t let someone else’s opinion have too much power over us.
One thing we can do to find peace in the midst of these tensions is let the Lord’s opinion matter most. Let His opinion of us matter most. Because the Lord is never contemptuous. Never dismissive. Even when we do the wrong thing—when we go astray, like the lost sheep in the parable (Matt. 18:12-14)—we are precious in His sight. He says, “Even so it is not the will of your Father who is in heaven that one of these little ones should perish” (v. 14).
This idea brings us back to the story about David and Michal. Michal said something contemptuous. David’s response to her wasn’t exemplary in every respect, but he got one thing right, which was that he put the Lord first. He said, “It was before the Lord…. Therefore I will play before the Lord. And I will be even more undignified than this, and will be lowly in my own sight” (2 Sam. 6:21, 22). In other words, David said “what does my dignity matter, and what does your contempt matter, if what I do is good in the eyes of the Lord?” One of the many, many good things that comes of following the Lord is that our lives come to be centered on someone who will never put us down. We don’t need to prove anything to Him. He knows our weaknesses, and He knows our potential, and He loves us, right now. What is contempt in the face of His love?
Amen.